For tonight’s performance, the Dinner Detective [DD] will be played by my husband.
Me: Hey Xander, dinner is ready, I have an extra large taco salad with your name on it.
Xander: Cool… grab it when I get home…. after practice later… [ Hmmm, I swear that’s where he just came from…]
Xander: That was weight training, we have a team practice at 7:00.
Did I say that out loud? I really need to get a grasp on that! [Manchild disappears down hallway].
As I sit looking dazed and confused, Dinner Detective takes over.
DD: So Pixie, how was your day?
Pixie: Gooood [Note: She is 43 pounds soaking wet and has the voice of a female chipmunk sucking helium]
DD: What was good ? Anything special ?
Pixie: Welll…….[deep breath] we had a substitute, Mzzz. Brown. She was strict and her dress was fancy and she was pretty. She did just what our teacher did, and told the boys to be quiet. And they were ! And then we had gym and played volleyball and I got hit 3 times and the other team took a point they shouldn’t have so we lost the game. I did all my long division in math and Sara was my reading buddy today and she smelled like cinnamon and then I wrote more of my fairy tale on my blog. Oh! And at recess we pretended Isabella was a pogo stick until Maya wanted to play dragons again so we did until my toes got cold.
I sit again dazed, trying to digest her day, never mind my dinner. My plucky hubby decides to press onward, hoping the momentum will carry through to the next child.
DD: How bout you Diva?
DD: How was your day?
Diva: Same as usual.
DD: Really ? Today was exactly the same as yesterday?
Diva: [ Iinsert trademark Huff and Eyeroll ] Uh, I guess !
DD: How about math ? What did you do ? [Got to applaud the man for his tenaciousness !]
Diva: Same ole stuff. [ We still don’t know what that means, haven’t seen a paper in weeks]
DD: What about art or choir?
Diva: You mean, like we sit there and sing or draw stuff .
Pixie: We are learning a new song ! It’s about one litte candle ……
Diva: Gawd ! No ones talking to YOU !
DD: Diva, we are trying to talk to you but not having much luck here [This is becoming painful !!! ]
Diva: She thinks everything is about HER !
Xander: [Reappears with gear bag over shoulder] Hey Ian called and his car won’t start – can I get a ride?
Oh Thank God ! I don’t remember getting up from the table and running for the door. The next thing I knew I was pulling out of the driveway as the man-child brought up an appropriate Nine Inch Nails tune.
He has my sarcasm gene.